im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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