I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
