Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
