its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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