just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
