pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Randomize
