He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
