my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
