You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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