I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
