Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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