he laminated a picture of his dick.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
