Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
