yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
