They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think your dad took our porno
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
