I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
