Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
