Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
