I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
