Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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