There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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