Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Bring me that man meat
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
