then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
