at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
This is the high leading the old right now
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
