i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
