I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
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