yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
