please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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