i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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