I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
