I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
