wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
