If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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