i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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