David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
