the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
