This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
