I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
