Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
