You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
