You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
