she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
