so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
