She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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