So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
It's never too late to be topless.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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