Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
