my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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