Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
