yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
