My Higher Power is John Stamos
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
